Once we got the kids put to bed last night, Nick went to bed too because he's fighting off a cold. Suddenly, at 9:30pm, the house was quiet and I was alone! Nick and I are leading worship on Sept 5th, (come worship with us!) and I'm in charge of the song list this time, so I found myself working on that. In the midst of worshipping and trying out songs, I heard God whisper, "You forgot who you are, today." Well, that would explain a thing or two...
Who am I? Well, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am called to worship leadership. I went through a long period of time that I doubted that, but I feel like I'm waking up again after a long sleep. I know that through relationship with God I'm completely forgiven and covered with the blood of Jesus. God doesn't love me less because I mess up, or more when I do well. My behavior or achievement has no bearing on my relationship with God. I know that God has called me to raise my children, and that He will equip Nick and me to do that. I have a Divine calling, and I'm Divinely equipped. This creates a confidence - not in my own abilities, because as soon as I trust those I fall flat on my face - but on Who God is in my life and what He is asking me to do. It's a moment by moment reliance on Him.
I'll be the first to say...I don't do this steadily. But I'm learning. And I'm determined to get there. This is the only way I know how to parent. Prior to discovering that I am a better parent when I lean on God, I was a mess. This parenting thing is far harder than I can manage in my own strength.
I love the story of Susannah Wesley, mother of John and Charles. She had 19 children and the story goes that she often couldn't find a private place to pray. (I know the feeling, and I only have 3!) So she developed a habit of pulling her apron up over her head. The kids played around her feet but knew not to disturb her, and she was in that "secret place" where she could be refreshed. I don't think I'll start wearing an apron for this purpose (although I have seen some cute ones!), but the principle stands. As moms, we have to do whatever it takes to find that refreshing we need, or we will have nothing to offer our families.
The calling of God on our lives gives us dignity and confidence and poise. If you know you're a princess, you act like one! (Can you tell I have three little girls?)
His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. - 2 Peter 1:3
How do we get everything we need? Through knowledge of Him who has called us! So without that knowledge, we do NOT have everything we need. It's really kinda arrogant to think that we do have everything we need, apart from knowledge of Him. On the other hand, if we know Him, we should be confident and enthusiastic about life. He's promised everything we need!
So...this is easy to say and harder to walk out. Think I'll go get started...